Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

Last week Greater Greater Washington brought to my attention the fact that some arts groups are looking into turning the unused trolley tunnels under Dupont Circle into an art space. The two semi-circular sections are remnants from the District’s now defunct street car network, relics from the bleak time before the savior automobile came along when citizens had to rely on safe and efficient public transportation to get around. While an art space does seem like a pretty good use for the tunnels, I thought I’d weigh in with a couple of alternatives, in case the powers that be want to get a little creative awesome.

1. Set up a year-round haunted house-style attraction. Everyone loves being scared (I assume), and an abandoned subterranean tunnel would do the trick quite nicely. Imagine heading down into the Dupont Underground (this is a working title) after a night of heavy drinking. It’s so dark and creepy! What’s that smell? Who knows what’s lurking around the corner? And a semi-circle is basically one big corner! Hilarity would no doubt ensue. The best part about this idea is that it would only take a minimal amount of work to get it up and running. Just throw in a couple of bare 40 Watt bulbs, make sure to not do any cleaning, leave some stale pizza leftovers out and…well things would get pretty scary on their own, is all I’m going to say. 
2. Join the two tunnels, completing the circle and creating the Relatively Small Hadron Collider (RSHC). This would be useful for conducting particle collision experiments that don’t require the scale of the newly minted (and presumably more expensive) Large Hadron Collider. Instead of searching for the God Particle, maybe we could look for the Beatified Boson. Perhaps the Saintly Speck. Either way, I think the RSHC could bring D.C. some much needed respect from the scientific community.
3. Skatepark! No, I’m not talking about the skateboard type, though that would admittedly be much cooler. I’m talking old school, clunky, four-wheeled roller skates! It’s a little known fact that the first pseudo-date that Katie and I had was holding hands while roller skating in high school gym class (seriously, I defy you to come up with something dorkier than that last sentence. It can’t be done). The Dupont Circle Roller Skating Rink would let other couples experience the magic the way we did, and do so while in a musty, creepy tunnel. It’s a can’t-miss venture.

So these are just some of my ideas, given away here free of charge. Hopefully one or more of the above sees some real use. The residents of Washington are counting on it.